I finally broke the kiss after a few seconds, staring at Moonwash who stared back.

I worked my jaw a little and looked around, trying to find the thing I was going to say. All that came out was, “W-what?”

“That was a kiss.”

“I know what a kiss is!” I shouted, a little more forcefully than I intended. I definitely knew a lot more about it than her. “I just… I was surprised. I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Oh.” Her expression remained a neutral mask. “I know I’m not good at expressing things. But I was under the impression that declaring your love for each other meant that?”

“W-well you’re not wrong.” I looked at her again. She was as expressionless as always, but sweat was running down her brow. “You’re definitely not wrong! I just… Ugh.” I wiped my face with my hand, and found gore still stuck on it. “Fuck. Can we table this discussion for later? I just… I have a lot to think about. But! Do know that what happened was my fault. I thought you wouldn’t understand and you just meant love as in a friend. Not, you know… romantically.”

“I do love you as a friend. But also romantically. I can do both.”

I couldn’t help it. I laughed. I somehow imagined her bland tone as smug. “Sure, yeah. Let me just wash myself off.”

I looked behind me and at the train of entrails that I’d left in my wake. And also got all over Moonwash.

I winced.

Yikes.

I hurried back to our bathroom by the front and took a much-needed shower. During which my mind drifted back to what just happened.

It was… not unfamiliar. I’ve had many romantic encounters throughout my past life… kind of, it’s complicated. But that’s not the point. Some of those encounters were brief, some persisted for maybe a few months, and others yet lasted until the end. It was just something that I did, a big part of how I lived for the longest time, and for some reason I just stopped doing that as Haell. It barely crossed my mind.

Could it be perhaps just due to an entirely different body and mind? Love was, after all, still just a chemical reaction, and that could vary greatly from person to person… or maybe I should not be so cynical anymore. Souls truly did exist. Who knew what the fuck that meant.

Still, something had clearly changed. It wasn’t just the lack of romantic and sexual pursuits, I was just far less social in general than I once was. I also did the cliche where I became so focused on getting better at doing horrific acts of violence that I completely forgot about love and other passions.

Additionally, I was over 30 years old, before  adding in my age in this life. So I didn’t really feel comfortable thinking about that with children, and trying to do it with adults as a child was a terrible idea on so many levels. So I… just ignored any and all of those desires. I was already far too busy anyway.

But well, I’d grown up. So did they. I didn’t know how I felt about that yet, but now that it was in my mind again it won’t fucking leave!

“AaaaaAAAAAaaaAaAaAaHhHhHhhH!!!” I screeched in a voice that I took care to remain low.

Having straightened my gay thoughts, I pulled the repository out of the shower, wiped myself off, and got dressed.

I marched back into the main hall, to find Moonwash having just washed herself as well. Her long black hair was glistening wet, and the blank look she greeted me with only made her more cute.

Fuck. Now I’m thinking about it and I'm conscious about it and aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!! Fuck.

Maybe I should just activate my hyperdemon gland.

I sat down next to Moonwash on the couch, my desire to use my most dangerous Mutation obviously done in jest.

“I am unsure and I am confused and I want to get to level 20 first and evolve into an even better demon and I don’t know what to do right now so can this whole love thing wait until then!?”

There. Nailed it.

“So we’ll start dating after your next evolution?”

“That’s not what I’m saying!”

“Oh. What am I waiting for then?”

“Err. Well, for me to sort out what I think? And like, don’t actually wait for me. Just… can we just go on as normal? And if something happens in the future, along that vein, then it does. If it doesn’t then it doesn’t… I’m not explaining this well am I?”

“No, you’re not.” Moonwash thought about it for a few seconds. “Is this that thing I heard where you let someone down easy?”

“Uh, no!” I stammered, more insistent than I intended. I did appreciate the bluntness with which she approached this. It’s what I preferred by a mile and a kilometer. “I would be more clear if that were the case. I just…”

I explained to her all the shower thoughts I had earlier. Which were either brilliant or utterly dumb. It could always go either way.

“I think I understand. Just continue on as normal for now, but you are not outright rejecting me?”

“Yep! You got it!” I flashed her a thumbs-up.

“Does continuing on as normal include you helping me try and make a stronger goblin variant?”

“It could, yes… WAIT WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?”

“Making a stronger goblin variant.”

“I heard you…” I looked around the area. Elfrafim had arrived earlier, and was sorting through some crates with Astan. Luine was nowhere to be found and Baston was tending to his underground garden. “Sure. Fuck it. Let’s do it.”

“I professed my undying love for you. I have no intentions of fucking a goblin.”

I both blushed and narrowed my eyes at her while laughing like I never had before. Why would she say that!?

“I was joking,” she clarified. “I know you meant it figuratively.”

~~~

I found myself in the living room with Moonwash, Elfrafim, and Astan. I was just… living life, relaxing, taking a week-long break or more to just play and have fun. I probably should’ve realized sooner, and I probably did know and was just being too stubborn, but overusing my hyperdemon gland so much was very bad for my mental health. Using it at all might be bad, period!

Not that I’d stop, but I had learned the value of pacing myself. That was the best compromise that I could do.

“What about this one? It looks like you.” Moonwash handed me the beastiary, opened on the page of a troll. It was a monster found in the mountains, almost like a much bulkier goblin in appearance except more blue or gray in color.

“It does not look like me!” I protested, considering. We were just looking at the many different sorts of monsters, and coming up with ideas for parts to use to fuel my next species evolution. This one creature in particular had five hearts in total which all allegedly worked very similarly to my regen heart.

No, I’m not working right now. Not at all. We’re just friends, hanging out, in a very relaxing manner.

“It was another joke.” Moonwash very briefly curled her lips into a smile. “You look much cooler than that.”

“Uh… right. Yeah.”

Elfrafim giggled, having heard all about what happened between us a few days back.

“What?” I challenged her, against my better judgment.

“Nothing at all…” she singsonged rhythmically.

Astan squawked and handed me a different book. I looked at what he wanted to show me and found a boarloth. It was essentially a very slow pig, but with a very thick hide and an unrelenting maw. I struggled to see which part of the beast would fit well with my build.

Astan’s stomach grumbled.

“We’re not shopping for lunch!” I complained.

We passed the hours like that, bringing snacks to ourselves, switching venues to the outside to grill some food, and then coming back inside while still talking about the many monsters. Somewhere along the way, the discussion had turned for the more violent and exciting, pitting the different creatures against each other and debating very passionately who would win in a versus battle.

“The aracharach will surely win. It has a fortress of sticky webs, it can produce sticky webs, and it literally has web magic allowing it great control over the webs.”

“No! The wyvern would surely win!” Elfrafim disagreed with moonwash. The creatures in question were both monsters born at level 80 and naturally matured toward 160. True rulers of the world. “It’d just blow fire from above, and goodbye! I’ve seen it once, and I still shiver at the memory. All I could do was run away.”

“The web is not flammable.” Moonwash pointed at a section in the description.

Elfrafim squinted her eyes at it… even though her eyesight was so good she could probably read it from across the room. “The trees they’re attached to are flammable.”

“Some trees are inflammable.”

“That’s typically because of the moisture in them. A wyvern’s breath can just boil those away easily.”

“Depends on the tree. What about that father tree you mentioned.”

“The father tree won’t just let a filthy aracharach nest on his branches!”

Moonwash pointed at a different section. “They actually keep themselves quite clean, and has polishing habits using different sorts of webs.”

“I still doubt the Father Tree would have an aracharach sitting in his branches.”

“Why not? It’s high level. It’s a respectable creature. Spiders hunt down pests.”

“...Shit. You might be right.”

Holy shit. Elfrafim was centuries old and she was losing to Moonwash in a battle of wits.

I devoured my popnuts, while watching my good friends bicker. Popnuts were these nuts we found that grew in bunches like grapes and popped like popcorn when subjected to heat. They were very delicious, and perfect as snacks.

The argument continued, and somehow, throughout the passage of time, the wyvern had all been forgotten. The subject firmly stayed on the topic of where aracharachs chose to nest, and now they were debating the merits of making a web fortress in the middle of an active volcano because the silk was allegedly inflammable.

I ate more popnuts, satisfied and pleased.

~~~

After deciding to make clones of the practically divine aracharachs someday, we finalized my choices for my Mutation enhancements. Some of them we already had in stock, like the bones of a pearthguin, the musculature of a bear, or the heart of a goblin shaman that once had limitless potential. That last one was a terrible idea, but it’s my terrible idea. I already had curse-derivative mana flowing through my very blood, suffusing my whole body. I couldn’t back down now, I only intended to double down.

For the eyes and the horns, there were several very rare monsters that should exist near my typical hunting grounds. I would need to enlist the help of Baston to find them, but I intended to catch them myself once found.

Now, I could  instead try to use the parts of a goeath instead, but I already did that last time, and while the resulting horns turned out to be very different, I worried that just doing the same thing would not trigger a species evolution.

That would be a travesty.

There was one ingredient that I hesitated to bring up, but we already had it in storage… along with the rest of her  party. I was talking of course about that one centaur adventurer we once killed. Her hooves were over level 20, and could very well be used to enhance my own…

“I don’t see why not!” Elfrafim shrugged.

“Because it was from a sapient person ??”

“Eh, they’re dead. And in that case, why’d you even harvest the things, you know?”

I looked at Moonwash. I pointed at my friend. “I blame her. It’s her fault. I participated in none of this.”

“Thank you for giving me all the credit, Haell. But you also contributed a lot to that fight.”

“No, nah. Take all that credit. I insist.”

“Okay. I am also in favor of using the hooves. And don’t worry about the sapience part, I’ve already used most of the human remains. Their bones are very flexible.”

“Elf bones are even more flexible!” Elfrafim added proudly.

“Right. Sure.” I heaved a weary sigh. They had a problem if I  was the one reacting like this. “Let’s use the hooves. Why not!”

“Yeah. Why not, when you’ve already used the arms of an ogre?” Moonwash sipped on her tea.

Oh right. That happened. Why was I even fighting so hard against this…

“My hands are already red,” literally,  “so let us soak them in more blood.”

That left a host of other materials that I needed. From the heart of a troll, to the blood of a hekaton and more. I decided to just rely on Luine to get them for me in the markets, as I had plenty of my own money now too. I’d killed a lot of sorta high-level monsters in my time here, and they were sold whenever my parents or someone else came by for a supply drop. My share of those had added up to a very sizable bounty that I wasn’t afraid to flex.

======= ======= ======= ======= ======

AN:

I’m gonna level with you here. Reincarnation and age in relation to sexual or romantic stuff is just… yikes-inducing , which is why I unleashed my special Skill [Fucking Avoid It].

I wanted to keep using it for like, at least a decade more of in-universe time even. Then I wouldn’t have to say shit about it at all, huzzah! But since Moonwash forced my hand, then I just have to face it head-on. Thanks.

This is Haell’s answer. My characterization of her, for whatever internal reasons I may have had, did mean that she’s changed a lot from her past life, and I’m not about to retcon it in that she’s always been the same as that woman who died in an orgy. People change, and that’s fine. It only makes sense. We are biological machines, and the balance of its many components will inevitably affect our psychology. What more so would living an entirely different life?

“But what about the canonical souls?” so asks Asky the Asker of Things.

“Fuck you,” I answer. “Affectionately. But not in that way.”