Entry 19911023 - Bethany Michelle Krajick

_October 23, 1991, Milford, Ohio_


"Doctor Mercer, Doctor Krajick is here," Cecilia said over the intercom.

"Send her in, please," Fran replied.

The door opened and Bethany stepped in.

"Ready for lunch, Fran?" Bethany asked.

"We need to talk. Cecilia is going to Andreas' Deli for sandwiches for us."

"Steve and Stephanie?"

"Steve and Stephanie," Fran replied.

"What can I get for you, Doctor Krajick?" Cecelia asked.

"Ham on rye, light mayo; regular chips; small Sprite."

"Doctor Mercer?"

"My usual, please."

"Back in fifteen minutes!" Cecilia said brightly, closing the door.

"Sit," Fran said.

Bethany nodded and moved to a chair across from Fran. She set her purse on the floor and looked up.

"You knew before it happened," Fran said.

"Yes. They told you?"

"I spent the last fifteen minutes reviewing your dissertation. I know how close you and Steve were. Nobody had to tell me once Steve and Stephanie introduced themselves as 'Abel and Delilah'."

"No, I suppose not," Bethany replied. "I messed up."

"That's an understatement if there ever was one! In fact, I don't call condoning incest 'messing up'! I don't call hiding it from me 'messing up'! I don't call exploiting them for your research 'messing up'!"

"Exploiting?" Bethany asked, reeling from the accusation.

"What would you call it?"

Bethany was quiet for a moment.

"It was legitimate research," Bethany replied defensively.

"Really? If this isn't the epitome of a 'dual relationship' I don't know what is! You were intimate with him while you were doing your research by your own admission! You call him your best friend! You know better! Do you realize what could happen if your PhD advisor or committee found out? Or the licensing board? YOU KNOW BETTER! You broke the rules. You violated protocols. It was unethical. Do you understand that?"

"What are you going to do?"

"That's not an answer, Doctor Krajick," Fran said sternly.

"Yes," Bethany replied. "I understand."

"Do you realize the position you've put me in?"

"I'm sorry," Bethany replied.

"You're sorry," Fran sighed, shaking her head. "Sorry enough to repudiate your research? Sorry enough to give back your PhD? Sorry enough to surrender your license?"

"But it happened before I completed my undergrad degree!"

"The incest? Yes. Your research? When did that finish?"

"When I turned it over to the PhD committee," Bethany admitted.

"You knew the rules, the protocols, and the ethical guidelines."

"Yes."

"And yet you violated them. Why? To make a point that NEVER should have been made? And which, obviously, is incorrect?"

"It happened, Fran. I can't undo it."

"No, you can't. You've put me in a very difficult position. If I do what I'm supposed to do according to the code of professional ethics, you'll never practice again."

"Fran..." Bethany pleaded, interrupting with tears forming in her eyes.

Fran held up her hand, "Let me finish. That is what I am supposed to do. But if I do it, I can't begin to imagine the adverse effects on Steve, and you know where Stephanie not getting help will lead - prison for her brother and suicide for her. I told them I have to think about it, but I don't see an alternative way to prevent that outcome except counseling them myself. Fundamentally, if I don't, I end up destroying three lives; three lives of of people I care for. And probably even more, as it would affect Steve's family, his business, your brother, your son, and who knows who else. The State of Ohio, and I'm certain Illinois as well, believe that kind of destruction is warranted; I don't, at least in this case. Well, assuming you answer my next question the way I expect you to."

"What?" Bethany asked with trepidation.

"Your research, as suspect as it is, reports things accurately?"

"Facts," Bethany sighed, "but clearly not conclusions."

"Clearly," Doctor Mercer replied flatly. "But it matches what Stephanie insists to be true. And knowing the mental and emotional abuse Steve suffered, he was putty in her hands. But you know what? That's on you, too! You, Melanie, and Jennifer helped not only make him who he is, but literally groomed him for his little sister! Think about that 'fact', Doctor Krajick!"

"Shit," Bethany sighed. "Maybe I should give up my practice and my license."

"Is that girl of fifteen or sixteen the woman who is twenty-eight?"

"I want to say 'no', but you know how I feel about him. That's never changed."

"And is the source of never-ending drama in your life, and the reason you come to me for counseling! Your relationship with him was nothing but destructive."

"Not after I married Nick."

"And yet, you've fallen right back into the same pattern, haven't you?"

"He's my best friend in the world," Bethany protested, tears dripping from her eyes and rolling down her cheeks.

But it wasn't any normal friendship, at least not in Fran's mind. Bethany's connection to Steve, whatever it was, was so deeply embedded in her psyche that there was no way to separate them. It wasn't conjoined twins, it was as if their souls had merged. Counterintuitively, that merger had been an impediment to being a couple, though Steve's penchant for having multiple girls loomed large as well. Fran knew, though, that Bethany had played a key role in Steve's development with regard to sex and relationships, and in that way, Bethany was, after a fashion, partly responsible for who he was.

That said, as Fran looked back, she wondered if Bethany could have survived her rape without Steve. Not just someone like Steve, but the unique 'soul' that could directly interact with Bethany's, support her, and give her energy. The problem was, that energy seemed to destroy all boundaries and lay waste to all social standards. And it provided for what amounted to magnetic attraction between them, something that nothing could seem to attenuate.

Breaking that hold was dangerous, as Fran had seen in the past. It had led to self-destructive behavior by Bethany, including her long-term affair at college, the disastrous relationship with Andrew, and her clinging to Steve after Nick's murder. It was only Steve's sheer willpower which had kept him from fulfilling Bethany's request to make love after Nick's death, though Fran knew it wouldn't last, and they might have already consummated. Again.

"I warned you about your relationship with him twelve years ago. If you had listened, things might have gone differently."

Bethany was fighting hard not to begin sobbing, but she was slowly losing the battle.

"I can't change what happened," she said, her dripping tears spotting her light blue blouse.

"No, and I'm not one to say 'I told you so', but actions have consequences. You have to figure out a way forward."

The sobs won out.

"I can't live without him," Bethany wailed.

Fran felt badly that she was making Bethany cry, but she also felt it was necessary. And she had one more harsh thing to say.

"Then you have to stop enabling his behavior. Period. That has to end today. If you want to keep your license, it ends today. It would be better to distance yourself from him completely, and to not be intimate, either his way or in the usual sense of that word. And, if you want to keep your license, you will work closely, under my supervision."

"I don't enable him," Bethany protested weakly.

"Do you call him out? Do you identify the areas where he crosses the line of accepted behavior?"

"But that's his entire life! He doesn't care about norms, social or otherwise."

"Obviously. But do you do ANYTHING to rein in his most egregious behavior? Or do you simply go back to his bed?"

The sobs gave way to what could only be called bawling. Bethany put her face in her hands, and cried hard, her body shaking as tears ran freely. Fran hated herself for how she was making Bethany feel, but it was her own fault for not having been tougher on Bethany over the years. Bethany had, much like Steve, chosen self-medication over treatment, and now the chickens were coming home to roost.

There was a soft knock at the door and Fran got up, rather than call out. She opened the door just far enough to take the food and drinks from Cecilia, then closed the door. She went back to her desk, set the food down, then moved next to Bethany and put her hand on her shoulder.

"Bethany, you know I care for you, right?"

"Yes," Bethany replied, her body heaving.

"And you know I only want what's best for you?"

"What you think is," Bethany replied, finally getting control of her crying.

"We can talk this out, and I promise I won't be as tough, but you had to hear it from me. I've held my tongue long enough. This situation with Steve and Stephanie basically forced my hand. Blow your nose, use the powder room, and we'll have lunch."

Bethany took some tissues from the box on the shelf, blew her nose, then went to the small powder room off Doctor Mercer's office. She washed her face, blew her nose a few times, washed her face again, then went back to sit down. She wasn't particularly hungry, but she knew she had to eat, so she unwrapped her ham sandwich and began eating. Doctor Mercer had her usual pastrami on rye.

"I can't lose my license," Bethany said after she'd eaten about half her sandwich. "It's who I am!"

"I know that," Fran replied. "But the ethical breach is unconscionable. Frankly, as I said, the only reason I'm refraining from doing what I ought to do is that the destruction it would cause would be so great. I can't imagine another set of facts that would lead me to that conclusion, but these do."

"You really think Jennifer, Melanie, and I groomed Steve?"

"What do YOU think?" Fran asked.

Bethany sighed, "I suppose we did."

"And, in the process, you taught HIM how to do it."

"He does NOT groom! The girls all come to him! All he does is treat them as equals and adults."

"And you don't think someone with his experience and, I hesitate to say this, training, doesn't understand how to subtly encourage the girls? Don't you think your behavior, along with that of your friends, taught him exactly how to go about seducing anyone he chose, without them even realizing it was happening? And if he's still interested in teenage girls, he has the advantage of at least ten years of life and probably close to fifteen of experience. You can't ignore that, even if the teens are mature."

"No, I suppose not. But Steve isn't a normal case."

"No, he's not, but we're not talking a normal twenty-eight-year-old going after a normal eighteen-year-old!"

"Are you saying Steve is a predator?"

"I wouldn't, because he's so careful about consent, which is perhaps the ONLY thing you got right in your relationship with him. Perhaps he's not stalking his prey, but he's certainly lying in wait."

"They pounce him, Fran. You know that."

"How about this - he has the ability to create the perfect conditions for girls to walk into his lair, willingly, mind you. But there's still the significant disparity in experience which has to make you question the consent."

"This doesn't sound like you, Fran," Bethany protested.

"I don't think it's true in the general case; I think it's true with Steve. And that's what we're talking about here."

"But not with his sister."

"No, but I believe it was that entire experience with you and your friends and his sister that taught him exactly how to be successful in his pursuit, without seeming to pursue."

"I suppose," Bethany reluctantly agreed.

"Professionally, I have to say he's not good for you, Bethany, but I know you disagree."

"Nobody has been by my side, and accepted me for who I was, and done more to support me, care for me, and love me than Steve."

"And Nick?"

"Is special, and had he lived, things would have been different. Steve and I had a very healthy relationship after I married Nick."

"So you admit before it wasn't?"

"Using your standards, Fran, not mine. But Steve knew what I needed, which is why he introduced me to Nick. And he knew what I needed when Nick died, which is why I was so frustrated. I know you disagree with me, but the only reason I'm alive and am building a practice here in Milford is because Steve was there to pick up the pieces every single time. Every time."

"But don't you see how he's at least partly responsible for causing the problems from which he helped you recover?"

"You mean like assigning my husband TDY to Guam? You mean like shooting my husband in the head?"

"Bethany..." Doctor Mercer said, her voice indicating a light reprimand.

"I'm not lashing out, Fran. I would NOT have survived that without Steve and Kathy. And my accident? It was Steve who got me through it; he sure didn't cause it or do anything that led to it! I was driving home to see my parents. Yes, I stopped to visit him on the way home from Madison, but I'd have made that drive no matter what. And while I know you disagree, vehemently, I was only able to be properly intimate with Nick because Steve helped me survive my rape. And Steve is NOT responsible for my affair in Madison in any way shape or form!"

"I'd ask why you defend him, but you just explained in your mind why. But, Bethany, you have to see that so much of your life has revolved around him."

"You mean like you and Sam?" Bethany asked.

"I don't think that's even remotely comparable to what we're talking about! To be blunt, I'm certainly not sleeping with a married man. And before you say what that smirk indicates, to one whom I'm not married."

"You could marry your best friend; I couldn't. Fran, I need him."

"I understand why you believe that, and there may well be some truth to that, but you have to stop enabling his behavior. You need to take a step back, even if it's a small one, and use all your training and experience. You need to be the woman who has nearly finished writing her book on recovery from sexual abuse. And speaking of that, I want to read the proofs of the chapters on incest before you send them to your publisher."

"I gave you copies when I wrote them."

"Yes, but I need to see the edited copies, and any changes you've made. You have to understand why."

"There's nothing in my book about 'Abel and Delilah', not even a hint."

"Just get them to me, please. We also need to talk about supervision, especially in cases of incest counseling."

"I've never, once, even hinted at any positive outcomes or given any support to anyone in that situation!"

"And I'm going to make sure, Bethany. I want your notes from the two incest cases you treated since you came here, as well as those from any new patients. No arguments."

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No, Bethany, you don't. You made your choice when you broke the rules. Now, you have to suffer the consequences."

"But you're going to help Steve and Stephanie?"

"Probably, though I want to think about it some more before I give a final answer. You are NOT to discuss this with them in any way. Period. Understood?"

"Understood. He'll be easy; she'll need to be completely rebuilt from the ground up."

"I know what to do, Doctor Krajick. And you are to keep your nose out of this. Completely. They are not your patients and you are far too close to them."

Bethany nodded, took a deep breath, and let it out.

"There is something I suppose I should tell you."

"What?" Fran asked warily.

"Steve and Stephanie had sex in my presence, and Steve and I had sex with her in the room."

Fran dropped the remnants of her sandwich on her desk, took off her glasses and tossed them onto the credenza, put her hands over her face and leaned back in her chair. Just when she thought it couldn't get worse, it had.