Entry 19830406 - Kara Anne Blanchard

_April 6, 1983, Milford, Ohio_


"Doctor Mercer will see you now, Miss Blanchard," the receptionist, Cecilia, said.

"What about my mom?" Kara asked, tightly clutching her stuffed bear.

"Doctor Mercer would like to talk to you alone, but if you need your mom, it's OK for her to go in."

"You can do it, Kara," Mrs. Blanchard said, encouraging her daughter.

"OK," Kara answered.

She got up and the receptionist showed her into Doctor Mercer's office. Doctor Mercer stood and smiled warmly. Cecilia closed the door to give them privacy.

"Hi, Kara, I'm Doctor Mercer. Who's your friend?"

"Steve Bear," Kara said timidly. "Can I keep him with me?"

"Yes, of course. Have a seat on the couch, please. We're just going to talk."

Kara sat down on the couch, still clutching her bear tightly. Doctor Mercer sat down in a chair near the couch. She didn't have her notepad, as she had spoken with Kara's mother and knew Kara was reticent to talk. The only reason she was here was because Steve Adams, another one of Doctor Mercer's patients, had insisted she come for help.

"Can you tell me about your bear, Kara?" Doctor Mercer asked "Who gave him to you?"

"Steve."

"Was it a gift for something special?"

"For my birthday."

"And your bear's name is Steve?"

"Yes, because I called Steve 'Snuggle Bear'."

"Does your bear go everywhere with you?"

"Yes."

"What do you do, Kara? Do you go to school or work?"

"I work."

"What do you do at work?"

"I'm a receptionist. It's temporary for a girl who is having a baby."

"When did you graduate from High School?"

"May of last year."

"What about college?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"I was going to go, but my dad died."

"When did that happen?"

"The Sunday after graduation."

"Is that why you're sad?"

"No," Kara said, almost inaudibly, and clutched her bear even more tightly.

Doctor Mercer thought about the best way to move forward, and decided it might be best to start at the beginning, and, at least for the first session, stay away from whatever it was that was that appeared to have shattered Kara's psyche.

"Let's talk about something else, then. What did you want to study in college?"

"Chemistry."

"For research or teaching?"

"Both. I want to be a college professor."

"Were you a good student?"

"Yes."

"And what else did you do in High School? Any sports or the band or choir?"

"No. I sang at church."

"What church?"

"Grace Church in Milford, be we don't go there anymore."

"Where do you go now?"

"The Evangelical Free Church in Loveland."

"Why did you change churches?"

"Because the pastor of the old church is evil! He blamed Steve and his dad for what happened to my dad. He said they were sinners and that caused my dad to die!"

Doctor Mercer's hands gripped the arms of her chair. She'd had a few other patients who had suffered similar kinds of abuse at the hands of overzealous religious leaders. She wasn't a regular attendee at any synagogue, but was notionally Jewish, at least with regard to the traditions being a touchstone than as a something which controlled her life. She had plenty of Christian patients, most of whom came from mainline denominations, but Kara was the third young person from Grace Church she'd seen in the previous five years, and she knew of at least one suicide that was attributed to that pastor, though not in a way where criminal charges could be brought. On the plus side, at least from her perspective, she'd heard that pastor had been fired after his own teenage daughter was found to be pregnant.

"Do you like your new church?"

"Yes."

"Tell me about your friends."

"Susie, Josh, Ruth, and Sandy from my old church. Sandy is pregnant."

"Did you have friends besides the ones at church?"

"Some of Steve's friends."

"Were you close to any of them?"

Kara clutched her bear tightly again, and a tear dripped from her eye and rolled down her cheek. It was obvious to Doctor Mercer that she'd once again come close to the source of Kara's current mental state. Doctor Mercer thought about taking a shortcut and calling Steve in Chicago to ask him, but given she wasn't sure about their relationship at this point, that wasn't wise, and might cause other issues. Steve was usually pretty forthright and honest, but he might not even know what the issue actually was.

"Let's talk about something else, then," Doctor Mercer continued. "How did you meet Steve?"

"He sat down in Chemistry class next to me."

"And what happened?"

"I told Mrs. Brewer, the teacher, I didn't want him to be my lab partner, but she wouldn't let me change."

"Why did you say that?"

"Because I knew about him and didn't want my friends to think I liked him."

"But you did?"

"Yes," Kara replied, continuing to clutch her bear tightly and seeming uncomfortable.

Doctor Mercer knew Steve's history, and she made a few assumptions, which in her mind provided more clues - Kara had been sexually active with Steve, there was an issue with one of Steve's friends to whom Kara was close, and something had happened with that friend, or with Steve, or both, which had triggered overwhelming emotions. And that pointed a direction for the questions.

"Are you feeling very sad?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"Yes," Kare replied quietly.

"How else do you feel?"

"Sick," Kara whispered.

"As in you feel like you want to throw up?"

"Yes."

"When you eat? Or when you cry?"

"All the time."

"Because of something that happened?"

Kara nodded and once again clutched her bear tightly and a pair of tears dripped from her eyes.

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Doctor Mercer asked, having a general idea of the situation from her talks with Steve.

Kara shook her head.

"Did he break up with you?"

Kara shook her head again, but didn't say anything. Doctor Mercer decided to let it be for the moment, and hoped Kara would open up more in the future.

"Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Doctor Mercer asked.

"No."

"Any cousins?"

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know?"

"My dad has a brother, but they haven't seen each other since before I was born."

"Do you know why?"

"They had a big fight right after my dad's brother graduated from High School. My dad was in college then."

"What about your grandparents?"

"We don't see them too often."

"Would you come back and talk with me again next week?"

"Steve said I have to."

"I think he wants you to, but you don't have to. I would like you to. Maybe we can talk about Steve."

"Maybe," Kara said sounding very unsure.

"Would you mind if I spoke to your mom now? You could wait in the outer office, and your bear can keep you company."

"OK."

Doctor Mercer and Kara both got up and went to the door, and once Kara had sat down on the couch in the reception area, Doctor Mercer invited Nancy Blanchard, Kara's mom, into the office. They both went to sit on the couch so they could talk.

"Has Kara been depressed the entire time since your husband died?"

"Oh heavens no!" Nancy replied. "She was very happy by the end of the summer, and she and Steve were on their way to getting engaged. He was about to ask her when she walked out on him."

"Do you know why?"

"I wish I did. She told Steve some story about fornication being a sin and going to hell, but I think there has to be something more."

Doctor Mercer knew part of this story, at least from Steve's perspective, though she wasn't sure he was giving her the full details.

"Did he actually propose?"

"No. He had the ring and was going to propose on Christmas Eve. She walked out before he could ask her, and went back to Chicago. From that point on, she refused to talk to me about anything, and started dressing even more conservatively than she had before. You saw her today - nothing showing except her hands and head."

"When we talked, you said you had no idea what caused her to enter into this emotional state?"

"No. She had finally started talking to Steve again after he sent her that bear for her birthday. Ever since she received it, she's taken it with her everywhere, including to church and to work every day, though I think she leaves him in the car at work. It's never more than a few feet away, and almost always in her arms or lap. I'm pretty sure at work she puts him in the dashboard of the car and parks so she can see him from the reception desk."

"The bear is a stand-in for Steve?"

"I think that's pretty obvious, don't you? "

"I do. Has anything change in your life? I mean you, personally?"

"Not really. I'm working, but I got the job last summer, with some help from Steve calling in a favor. I'm not dating, if that's what you mean."

"Does Kara visit her dad's grave?"

"No. But I don't visit regularly. I decided to go on his birthday and our anniversary, at least for now."

"And she's been in this state since she received the bear?"

"Yes. Before that she was basically going through the motions - totally emotionless and refusing to talk. Then she got the bear and clung to him for dear life. But she doesn't appear to have any issues at work."

"Is she seeing her friends?"

"No. She was hanging out with a girl named Joyce until late last fall, but they had some kind of falling out. Kara still saw her other friends, at least until she broke things off with Steve."

"OK. I'd like to see her again on Monday, if that works for you, and then every Monday until we get to the bottom of this and figure out how to help her."

"I'm not sure if she told you, but she and Steve were sexually active."

Doctor Mercer did know that, but not from Kara. And she knew Steve was OK with her sharing that he had seen her on occasion, as he was very open about it.

"She didn't, but I was aware of that because I've been seeing Steve off and on for a few years, and he made me aware."

"I just don't get it, Doctor," Nancy sighed despairingly. "She wanted to marry him, and he was ready to propose! Why would she walk out on him? It makes no sense!"

"That's what we're going to try to find out. Now, I'll let you go so you can both get to work."

The two women got up and left Doctor Mercer's private office. Nancy and Kara left, and Doctor Mercer went back to her desk. She took out a notebook and wrote out her perceptions and thoughts about the session, then filled out a diagnostic form, listing severe depression as the probable diagnosis, leaving the blank for 'cause' empty.

She checked the clock and her appointment book, and with only ten minutes between sessions, she really only had time to use the ladies room and refill her cup with coffee from the pot on a table in the corner. She considered calling Steve in Chicago, but decided against it, wanting to talk further with Kara before she ask Steve if he had any insight. The last thing she wanted to do was color her own perceptions based on what Steve thought the problem might be.

"Doctor?" Cecilia, said. "Kelly is here."

"Show her in, please."

Kelly was fifteen, pretty, and in her own words, a 'sex fiend'. Her parents had brought her in after discovering that she'd had sex with Goshen High School fifteen football players to celebrate her fifteenth birthday. She'd lost her virginity at thirteen, had her first threesome at fourteen, and, if she was to believed, had more than two dozen sex partners before she turned fifteen. Amazingly, she hadn't become pregnant, nor contracted an STD. And she certainly didn't feel she had done anything wrong. The session was difficult, just as the three previous ones had been, because Kelly refused to see anything wrong with what she was doing.

When that session finished, Doctor Mercer's next appointment was with Robert, who at age twenty-seven had finally told someone about sexual abuse he'd suffered at the hands of a Catholic priest. His marriage had been falling apart, and he'd finally told the marriage counselor what had happened, and the marriage counselor had referred Robert to Doctor Mercer. They had discussed reporting it to the police, but as it had been fourteen years in the past, and Robert didn't want to have to testify, he'd elected just to receive counseling.

After Robert, she placed a phone call to Bethany Krajick in Madison for their monthly conversation. Bethany was doing well in Madison, and working towards a degree in Psychology. She had mostly recovered from her rape, though the recovery method was not something of which Doctor Mercer approved. Bethany was dating, but she still carried a torch for Steve, something which concerned Doctor Mercer because of Steve's apparent feelings for Kara.

After lunch, Doctor Mercer's next patient was Angie Stephens, a young woman who was struggling with relationships because of some deep-seated anxiety about sex, for which Doctor Mercer hadn't found a cause. They'd talked about Angie's friend, Debbie, who had overdosed after becoming pregnant from her only sexual encounter. Debbie was the girl she'd thought of during her talk with Kara, who was, in Doctor Mercer's opinion, the victim of the same preacher who seemed to have done a real number on Kara as well.

After seeing Angie, Doctor Mercer headed home, and after changing from her skirt and blouse into sweats, she made herself some tea and curled up on the couch with _Psychology Today_ to await the arrival of her daughters from school. Sarah and Abigail were dropped off by their friend Rachel's mom, and burst into the house fully engaged in some kind of dispute.

"Ladies, what's the problem today?" Fran Mercer asked her kids.

"Sarah is in LUUUUVVV!" Abigail sang out.

"I am not!" Sarah protested. "I was just talking to Joshua!"

"By putting your lips on his?" Abigail teased.

Doctor Mercer reminded herself to remain calm and dispassionate, lest her feelings push her daughter towards behavior she preferred not to happen for a few more years.

"Abigail, go change; Sarah, please come sit with me."

"Busted!" Abigail exclaimed, then hurried up the stairs to her room.

Sarah walked over to the couch dropped her book bag and plopped onto the couch, a sullen look on her face.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Doctor Mercer asked gently.

"Not really," Abigail replied.

"Who is Joshua?"

"He's a Sophomore."

Doctor Mercer breathed an internal sigh of relief that the boy wasn't a Senior.

"Was that your first kiss?"

"That's my private business!" Sarah protested. "You said so!"

"You're right, I did say that. I thought maybe you'd want to talk to your mom about it."

"Why?"

"Because you're sixteen? Because you might have questions?"

"Oh puh-lease!" Sarah replied, rolling her eyes.

"Go change and do your homework. If you want to talk, I'm here."

Sarah got up from the couch and left the room and went upstairs. When Abigail came down, Doctor Mercer called her over.

"And you, young lady, do NOT tease your sister about boys."

"Fine," Abigail sighed. "But like, gross! Boys are SO dumb and blech! Who knows what they've had in their hands or mouths!"

Doctor Mercer laughed softly, "I think twelve-year-old boys might think the same things about you!"

"Fine with me! Just gross! It's bad enough seeing you and Dad kiss! Yuck!"

"Go do your homework!" Doctor Mercer said, shaking her head slightly in amusement.

Abigail left and Doctor Mercer picked up her magazine. Sarah's first kiss wasn't all that surprising, and it was something of a miracle that it hadn't happened until she was sixteen, well assuming that was the case. She hoped it would be three or four years before Abigail had her first kiss, but she'd become interested in boys very soon, and at age twelve, she was going to have her first period soon, and THAT would usher in a new era in the Mercer household with TWO hormone-overloaded teenagers, something Doctor Mercer did not look forward. She shook her head, laughed softly, and began reading again.